you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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