I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
