Well douche your snatch and let's go!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
