her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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