these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
