speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
