worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
