I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
