he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
