I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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