I'm going to jail i love you
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
