Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
