i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
ttyl tear gas
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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