My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
