Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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