So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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