girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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