called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
