My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
