direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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