I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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