Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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