??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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