I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
