He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
