I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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