what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
