i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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