I accidentally had phone sex last night
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
