OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
