i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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