hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
