We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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