the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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