Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
