i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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