well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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