it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
