sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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