you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
