my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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