So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
