You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
