I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
