You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
