I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
