she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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