If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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