The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
