I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
