What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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