Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
